#1: Get to know your host, Shelly
Welcome to Episode #1 of the Make Happiness Happen podcast. Before we dive in, I want to take a few minutes to introduce myself so you know who I am, how I got here and why I’m the best person to help you on your journey to real authentic happiness.
Wow, I can’t believe this is really the first episode of Make Happiness Happen! This podcast has been in my head for a very long time I can’t believe it’s finally live. Thank you so much for joining me here!
I thought before we dive into all the goodness I have planned, I should take a few minutes to introduce myself. I want you to feel like you know me personally and I want you to understand how much it means to me to teach you what I’ve learned about authentic happiness.
So, let’s take a few minutes to go back to the beginning.
I grew up in a small Nebraska town with a population of around 7,000 people. Well, to be more exact, I actually lived about 15 minutes outside of that small Nebraska town. We had neighbors about a ½ mile away to the north and the south of us but beyond that, I was surrounded by cornfields that my grandfather farmed. I loved it!
My younger sister and I spent as much time as possible outside. We rode bikes, played in our treehouse, went swimming in our very own cow tank in the summer and so many other things. It really was a great way to grow up.
My mom taught at a parochial school in town and that’s where my sister and I went to grade school. My dad owned a small engine repair shop in town. There was an attic there where my sister and I hung out after school every day. It was like our own little hideout. My home life was amazing. My school life on the other hand left me feeling a bit out of place.
My elementary school was small. I started in Kindergarten with 20 or so kids in my class. By the time I got to 8th grade, there were just 7 of us in my class. I was the only one who didn’t live in town. I played sports in school but not in any of the city leagues. I really loved living in the country but it did make it harder for me to feel like I fit in because I spent most of my free time with my family and my sister instead of with the other kids in my class. I also loved spending time alone. I know now that I’m an introvert, but at the time I just knew I loved reading, listening to music and doing other cool creative type stuff.
When it was time for me to start high school, we actually moved into town. I was 14 years old. My high school had 4 grades and around 400 students total. My freshman class had 107 students. I always thought it was kind of funny that it was 100 kids from public school and then the 7 of use from my small parochial school.
I was pretty nervous for my first day of high school because the only kids I knew were my six former classmates and the girl who lived across the street. She and I actually went to school together that first day which was really nice.
Being an introvert made it tough for me to make new friends. At the time, I thought this meant there was something wrong with me because it just looked so easy for everyone else. Everyone else seemed to make friends so easily.
So I decided, and I think it was actually subconsciously because I don’t remember actually making the decision, I decided that it would be best to try and change who I was so I would fit in better because I thought there was something wrong with me.
I found a boyfriend pretty quickly, because what better way to feel accepted and happy then to be in a relationship, right? It made sense to my teenage brain at least. That actually became my crutch through life, basing my value and my worth and my happiness on the relationship I was in at the time. All throughout high school, I really don’t remember there being a time that I didn’t have a boyfriend.
Things seemed to be going well but what I didn’t know was that by trying to change who I was to be happy, I was actually chasing the wrong type of happiness. I was chasing inauthentic happiness.
When your happiness comes from what other people think of you, it’s not real happiness. Real authentic happiness comes from within. It comes from knowing who you are, being who you are and loving who you are.
My sophomore year in high school I started drinking when I was with my friends because it just made it easier to be the person I thought I needed to be to fit in with them and be happy. I was funny and outgoing when I was drinking and I really liked that. People seemed to enjoy hanging out with me. It just felt good. I didn’t worry as much about what people thought of me. Life just seemed easier. I was chasing things I thought would make me happy. I was chasing inauthentic happiness.
My junior continued on about the same. I was still trying to change who I was, trying to fit in with the cool kids. I was getting good grades in school so my parents thought everything was fine until one night, when a police officer brought me home because I’d got caught drinking with my friends.
My senior year things started to fall apart. I was dating an older guy…like 7 years older. I was still trying to fit in. My parents knew I was in trouble but they didn’t know how to help me. It was causing stress between me and the rest of my family. I honestly felt pretty lost. I was doing things I thought would make me happy but all those things did was cause more stress and conflict in my life.
After graduation, I moved about an hour away to go to college. I was still dating the older guy. We actually ended up getting married a year later when I was only 19 years old. My parents had been married for 22 years when I got married and being a bit naive, I thought my new husband and I would have the same great marriage from day one. I thought being married would make me happy. I thought creating a family of my own would make me happy. There I was again chasing what I thought would make me happy.
Seven years into our marriage, my daughter was born. She was beautiful and still is. She is the love of my life! Eleven years into our marriage, my husband had an affair and chose to leave. He actually told me he didn’t think he had ever loved me. That’s when my life fell apart, when I fell apart.
My daughter and I moved back in with my parents. That’s when it hit me. I was a 30 year old divorced single mom living in my parents basement. I felt unlovable and unworthy. I felt like a complete failure. That really was the lowest point of my entire life.
As I look back now, I know that was what started my journey towards authentic happiness. There was one moment of particular importance that I remember. I was in that bedroom, in my parents basement, feeling scared, lost and alone. I remember dropping to my knees next to the bed and praying. I poured out my heart to God. I remember saying “I’ve totally messed this up Lord. My life is a disaster, and I don’t know how to fix it. I am letting go of control. I’m giving you my life. Do with it what you will.”
That really was a turning point for me because it was when I started focusing on my faith again. I started praying more. I read the Bible more. I tried to tune into God more.
I wish I could say things were smooth sailing from that point. I wish I could say I focused on real authentic happiness from that point on but guess what, it doesn’t work that way. We have our habits and routines and cycles. We are always a work in progress. There’s never a point where you “arrive” and can stop working on yourself. I love the phrase, life is a marathon, not a sprint. I know that might feel overwhelming but it’s actually a good thing because by thinking about it that way, by thinking about life as a marathon, you are always focused on moving forward and even when things are tough, you just keep putting one foot in front of the other and just keep moving forward, just stay focused on that finish line.
After several months of living in my parents basement, my daughter and I moved into our own apartment. I started making new friends. I got a promotion at work and we moved to a bigger city several hours away. I really started to feel like things were going to be easier, but unfortunately, I started falling back into my old habits. I started looking for happiness in relationships. I started measuring my value by the state of the relationship I was in. I started to changed who I was so I would feel more loved and accepted. I started to lose myself again.
It took several years for me to see what was happening. It took another relationship ending before I was finally able to break the cycle. It took listening to Tony Robbins and other self-help gurus. It took focusing on my faith again. It took starting a gratitude journal and learning new skills to help me replace my old habits with new, positive ones. It took all of this to help me realize that in order to be happy for real, to experience real authentic happiness, I needed to know who I really was, be who I really was and most importantly, love who I really was.
My challenge to you today is to take some time to figure out who you are, like who is the real you, the real authentic you, not who you think you should be or who you try to be when you’re around others, but who you really are.
Then be that person. Be your true self. It won’t be easy and it will probably feel uncomfortable but it is essential if you want to experience real authentic happiness. Finally, you need to love yourself. Not in a self-absorbed, self-conceded kind of way but in an authentic way. A way that makes you say, thank you Lord for making me the person I am today. A way that helps you see all the good you have to offer and how you can help make this world a better place. And that’s what this podcast is all about. Helping each and every one of you find your real authentic selves so we can come together and bring more happiness into this world.